Photography: Sue Ferris
In home lifestyle shows and glossy spreads, the task of hosting guests is portrayed not only as effortlessly enjoyable but glamorous, even. Spare bedrooms are aired out and styled up, the fluffiest towels are laid out with care, and the finest bottle of wine is sent to the chiller to accompany an artfully arranged cheese platter, all in an effort to impress and make your guests feel welcome. But sometimes the real-life experience of hosting is a far cry from its romantic portrayals.
We put a call out on our Facebook page for our readers to share the most impolite thing houseguests had ever done in their home, and we received over 350 comments of hilarious (at best) and diabolical (at worst) behaviour. Scroll on and judge for yourself …
Brutal reviews you didn’t ask for
“I had a group of friends over for drinks one evening, and 1 of them said loudly what dusty skirting boards I had in my lounge … I threw a wet cloth at her and said ‘well if they bother you so much!’”
“My MIL used to come and visit uninvited and criticise everything we ate. She would also wipe her finger over the furniture to see if I had dusted.”
“Ate his dinner & promptly announced that his version was better! ?”
“Told me all the things she didn’t like about my house”
Table manners gone missing
“Bloke used our toilet then walked into the kitchen without washing his hands. Grabbed bits of salad from 3 prepared bowls.”
“My father-in-law and his 3rd wife…refused the baked dinner I had prepared…to then an hour later go and cook up some spam and beans to eat!”
“Thumped his chest and burped at the table after he ate the roast dinner I’d cooked for him.”
“Had a couple come over for a meal in our new home just after we were married. They told us they couldn’t afford to reciprocate but then described the meal they made for other friends of theirs.”
Hygiene horrors
“Cut their toenails on the loungeroom carpet and left the carnage there.”
“Refused to take off shoes on freshly washed floors ?”
“Walk inside the house with shoes full of dog poop. Another one smoked cigarettes around my babies.”
“Vomited in my kitchen sink.”
“Washed their sneakers in with my white bed sheets.”
“Urinated in the wardrobe.”
“Used my mixer bowl to feed their dog, used my ironing basket as a dog bed and left used nappies behind.”
“An uninvited guest (friend of a friend) put her feet on my lounge while wearing muddy shoes. Then cried because I asked her to remove them.”
Zero boundaries
“Went through all our cupboards, linen, kitchen, bathroom! It was weird and so rude.”
“Neighbour came over uninvited, very quickly fell asleep on the couch, sitting up and started farting and snoring…”
“A guest started going around the house to show other guests our bedrooms.”
“Walked throughout my house, touching and looking. She terrified my birds. I felt like I was being inspected.”
Guests who play interior decorator
“Moved my artwork around because they didn’t like the placement…”
“Rearranged my cupboards when I was having a shower.”
What’s mine is yours?
“Stole from my home then laughed, saying it was a joke when confronted!”
“Stole all the toilet rolls in our house, including the one on the holder in our ensuite, then burnt a ring into our sideboard, and then fled without a word.”
“Stole my grandmother’s wedding ring.”
“Scratched my new custom made dining table deliberately and then tried to deny it when I caught them in the act.”
Are you still here?
“Invited herself to stay a night, then stay another day, then another day, expecting me to wait on her and cook for her.”
Pure evil
“Slept with my husband.”
“Kicked my dog for barking ????”
“Stole things, including my diamond earrings and money from my purse …and they were family members too!”
So what have we learned from all of this? What not to do when visiting another person’s home!
How to be a good houseguest
If you want to be a good houseguest, follow these five rules, and you’ll definitely be invited back…
- Be on time: If you’ve agreed on an arrival time, stick to it. If something prevents you from arriving on time, let your host know as soon as you can.
- Clean up after yourself: Ask your host for the best place to store your belongings tidily. Take your shoes off indoors. Make your bed in the morning. Offer to help wash the dishes after mealtimes.
- Be considerate: Try not to disrupt the host’s usual routines and activities. Avoid making noise late at night and be mindful of shared spaces like bathrooms or living areas.
- Bring something thoughtful: Giving the host a gift is always a good idea. It could be a nice bottle of wine, good quality chocolates or a bunch of fresh flowers.
- Don’t overstay your welcome: Go home when you said you would!
Editor’s note: Usernames have been removed. Some comments have been lightly edited for clarity, length, and grammar. To read all of the comments and responses, check out the original Facebook post.
